Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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