Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
