Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
