Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
