It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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