Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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