I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
50% drunk capacity currently
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
