Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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