i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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