Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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