my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
