While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
