We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
