Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
