You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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