Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
