Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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