toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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