I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
