your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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