i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
