omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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