He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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