we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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