someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my being single is dangerous.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
