Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
