I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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