last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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