So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
