No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My bed smells like the plague
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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