girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
