They should really pass out barf bags in church
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
