Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
