Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
