Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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