Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
