She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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