On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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