I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think people are normalizing furries
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
