Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This is classic penis vs brain.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
