I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
