I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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