i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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