Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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