No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize