Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Did I show you my penis last night?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
