Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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