last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
