cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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