How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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