You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
