Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
