you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
