The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
