the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
