You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
