So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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