if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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