Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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