speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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