Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
