so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
