Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
