I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
